A Model of a
Classmate Response Memorandum
A Classmate Reponse Memorandum (CRM) is used to return the information requested in a RRM. It should be:
- Drafted as a memorandum
- Contain the document-specific information in the RRM being responded to
- Contain information that fulfills the requests (including the solicitation for information apart from that involved in the revision questions) made in a RRM
- In other words, a good CRM just doesn't answer the questions posed in the RRM.
February 31, 2010
To: Frank Herbert
From: Bruce Erickson
RE: Response to Excerpt (November 31, 1965)
I appreciate you letting me read your excerpt from "Dune," and I hope that you will find my comments and answers to your revision questions helpful as you think about revising your text.
- I am concerned that in the opening of the scene there is not enough interaction between Paul and Lady Jessica to show her concern for her son's life. What do you think
- How well does the tone of the Reverend Mother fit the situation?
The Reverend Mother's tone seems too casual at times. This is a potentially historic situation---and a life-death situation.
- When the Reverend Mother says, "Our test is crisis and observation," at the end of the scene, what did you think she was talking about?
I thought that the Lady Jessica was remote, almost icy. Her words ("Remember, that you're a duke's son," suggested that she was concerned more for the family honor than the life of Paul, her son. Also, she said that the test was important to her. She never mentioned that it might be important to him, yet it was his life that was on the line!
I wasn't sure. The words are plain enough, and they describe exactly the mode of testing she imposed upon Paul---crisis---not in enduring the pain, but in facing the consequence of death if he tried to avoid the pain---and observation---which the Reverend Mother did throughout the test. Beyond that, I am not sure why she would say that. If I was Paul and she was trying to make me feel better about my performance in her terrible test, those words would have meant little to me.Overall, I like the scene. It has good drama. At the risk of judging a character from a brief excerpt, I don't like Lady Jessica, yet I feel that I should. Her part in this scene is too minimal and too removed from the heart of the scene---the test. Perhaps you should expand it to let the reader see her pacing in the hallway and occasionally pausing to listen at the door---something to show some sense of persistent worry.
Also, at some level it is unclear why this test is taking place. Sure, there is the bit about separating humans from animals, but why is that so difficult in this future world? In our world, genetics would easily separate humans from animals. While a DNA test would have been less dramatic, it would seem to be a lot more believable and expedient. The scene suggests a standard for being human that is beyond genetics, something that is at the heart of our synergistic humanness; how we deal with pain---or crisis. However, why this standard is necessary (or why the standard of genetic is less than useful) is not clear to me, and I wanted it to be. Perhaps you might clarify this matter.